Dick Chaney Quail Hunt Game

Watch the birdie!!

Cheney Was Hunting Illegally....

Ya just can't make this shit up...

Neither Vice President Dick Cheney nor the hunting partner he accidentally shot last weekend purchased the $7 hunting stamps required under state law, Texas Parks and Wildlife officials said Monday.
A blast from Mr. Cheney's shotgun wounded Austin lawyer Harry Whittington in the face, neck and chest. The wounds were not life-threatening. In its report, the state agency that oversees hunting and fishing said it found neither Mr. Cheney nor Mr. Whittington had purchased the game bird stamp required to hunt quail in Texas. Both had valid hunting licenses, Mr. Cheney's a non-resident license.

The story just gets better & better.............

Black, Black Like My Soul....

Or a better title might be, "This Should Be Interesting."

BERLIN (AFP) - Gothic US rocker Marilyn Manson announced at the Berlin Film Festival that he plans to direct a film based on the diary of Lewis Carroll in which he will play the part of the writer of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

Manson, his hair jet-black and his face painted a deathly white, said he wanted to show the dark obsessions of the Victorian author rather than make a period film because that would be "boring".

"It is very much about his obsessions, not so much about the Victorian era. There will be sex," he told reporters.

"Dead Eye" Dick Cheney Roundup

Picture from bushandcheneysuck.com/
And the hilarity ensues....
Best Headline goes to WTF Is It Now?: Dick shoots load in man's face
Brad Blog reports Whittington actually in ICU
Bob Cesca on The Huffington Post
The Dependable Renegadewith another Elmer Fudd picture
Atrios reports it was a "canned hunt." Hey, didn't Dick make fun of Kerry for that?
Fire Dog Lake isn't laughing about the "ladies gun"
CorrenteWire is inspired to witing songs
James Wolcott
even Jesus Gerneral

DailyKos Top 10

From the home office, Dick Cheney's Top 10 Excuses for Shooting That Guy:

10. Sure, like you've never seen seen giant game birds wearing day glo orange vests
9. Warrantless domestic spying revealed he was getting phone calls from al Queda
8. If the Vice President does it, its not against the law
7. Hoping to put him in a persistent vegetative state so the GOP could pass a law to keep him alive
6. Thought he was hunting Dan Quayle
5. The love between them could not survive back in Washington
4. Birds, Cows, People-- with my eyesight I'm lucky I hit anything
3. Positive the guy's family will welcome him as a liberator
2. Pheasants? I thought we were hunting peasants
and the number one Cheney excuse for shooting that guy:
1. Open season on liberals started early this year

Another Top 10 from eBobGeiger.com: :

10. Sick and tired of Whittington’s “Hey, I’m having a heart attack” jokes
9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo
8. Ongoing dispute over whether it’s acceptable to torture quail before shooting them
7. Thought he saw Michael Moore on other side of tree line
6. Bombed out of his gourd on Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer
5. Companion’s ill-advised decision to wear Moveon.org sweatshirt
4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster
3. Whittington’s repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the “real president”
2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

1. Because he’s a wartime vice president, damn it

Secret Prisons? We Don't Have No Secret Prisons

Well, not any more..... According to this report, the U.S. is helping Morocco to build a new interrogation and detention facility for Al-Qaeda suspects near its capital, Rabat.

A-Hunting We Will Go, A-Hunting We Will Go

"Shhhhhhhh.... be vewy, vewy, quiet......." While quail hunting yesterday in south Texas, Dick "Elmer" Cheney accidentally shot fellow hunter, attorney Harry Whittington, in an apparent accident when he believed the quail to be under attack from Al Queada. Commenting on the shooting, Sarah Brady replied to reporters, "I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time,now I know I was right to be nervous."

We're all nervous, Sarah, we're ALL nervous.

Misstatement of the Union

As amazing as this must sound, the President left out a few things when surveying the State of the Union:

• He proudly spoke of "writing a new chapter in the story of self-government" in Iraq and Afghanistan and said the number of democracies in the world is growing. He failed to mention that neither Iraq nor Afghanistan yet qualify as democracies according to the very group whose statistics he cited.
• Bush called for Congress to pass a line-item veto, failing to mention that the Supreme Court struck down a line-item veto as unconstitutional in 1998. Bills now in Congress would propose a Constitutional amendment, but none have shown signs of life.
• The President said the economy gained 4.6 million jobs in the past two-and-a-half years, failing to note that it had lost 2.6 million jobs in his first two-and-a-half years in office. The net gain since Bush took office is just a little more than 2 million.
• He talked of cutting spending, but only "non-security discretionary spending." Actually, total federal spending has increased 42 percent since Bush took office.
• He spoke of being "on track" to cut the federal deficit in half by 2009. But the deficit is increasing this year, and according to the Congressional Budget Office it will decline by considerably less than half even if Bush's tax cuts are allowed to lapse.
• Bush spoke of a "goal" of cutting dependence on Middle Eastern oil, failing to mention that US dependence on imported oil and petroleum products increased substantially during his first five years in office, reaching 60 per cent of consumption last year.

Though Factcheck.org did not find anything factually incorrect in the President's Jan. 31 State of the Union address to Congress and the nation, they did not some "selective use of statistics," and that "Bush omitted some relevant facts that tended to make the state of the union look less rosy than he presented."

Read the entire report here.

American Civics Lesson Part II

What do you get when you a song titled "Asshole" and string together an array of pictures depicting America as it is today? Genius, pure genius. when you're done watching the film, try typing "miserable failure" into Google.com and hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

From the "Stupid Airline Passenger" Files....

So, imagine you're working the X-ray machine at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, when you see what appears to be a skull in someone's luggage. Thden you realize the incoming flight is from Haiti.

Myrlene Severe, 30, a Haitian-born permanent U.S. resident, was charged Friday with smuggling a human head into the U.S. without proper documentation.

OK, not to mince semantics here, but is there proper documentaion for smuggling a human head?

"It still had teeth, hair and bits of skin and lots of dirt," Gonzalez said.

Severe told authorities she had obtained the package in Haiti for "use as a part of her voodoo beliefs," ICE Special Agent Erick Hernandez wrote in an affidavit in support of a criminal complaint.

"Severe also stated that the purpose of the package was to ward off evil spirits," Hernandez wrote.

Severe, who also was charged with failing to declare the head and transporting hazardous material in air commerce, faces a maximum of 15 years in prison if convicted of all charges, prosecutors said.

So, remember, kids, if you're bringing a recently exhumed human head into the country, fill out your documentation and Customs Declaration forms. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a world of voodoo doodoo.

What a Shock: Iraq Worse Off Now

From The New York Times yesterday as reported by James Glanz:

Iraq Utilities Are Falling Short of Prewar Performance
WASHINGTON, Feb. 8 — Virtually every measure of the performance of Iraq's oil, electricity, water and sewerage sectors has fallen below preinvasion values even though $16 billion of American taxpayer money has already been disbursed in the Iraq reconstruction program, several government witnesses said at a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on Wednesday.

Of seven measures of public services performance presented at the committee hearing by the inspector general's office, only one was above preinvasion values.

Those that had slumped below those values were electrical generation capacity, hours of power available in a day in Baghdad, oil and heating oil production and the numbers of Iraqis with drinkable water and sewage service.

Only the hours of power available to Iraqis outside Baghdad had increased over prewar values.

Also published on February 9, and written by James Glanz:

Report Says Number of Attacks by Insurgents in Iraq Increases
WASHINGTON, Feb. 8 — Sweeping statistics on insurgent violence in Iraq that were declassified for a Senate hearing on Wednesday appear to portray a rebellion whose ability to mount attacks has steadily grown in the nearly three years since the invasion.

The statistics were included in a report written by Joseph A. Christoff, director of international affairs and trade at the Government Accountability Office, who testified before the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee during a hearing on Iraq stabilization and reconstruction.

Read the full version of the first story here, and the second here.

Yup. We're doing some fine work in Iraq. Couple these accounts with Haliburton missing billions of dollars and then please explain to Hellena exactly what the fuck we are doing over there.

Rev. Lowery Responds to Criticism

Thanks to John Amato's Crooks & Liars the web world can watch the interview between Keith Olbermann and the Rev. Joseph Lowery where Rev. Lowery addresses the accusations of improper funeral etiquette from the rightwingnut faction.

Darwin Award Meritorious Live Act Award

OREM, Utah - An man who called police to report the theft of a quarter-pound of marijuana was arrested when police recovered the bag of pot and then invited him to come to the Public Safety Building to identify it.

"You!! Out of the gene pool now!!"

Oy vey. Thanks to The Tao of Cheese for posting this story - Hellena would have missed it otherwise.

Holy Totally Uncomfortable Situations, Batman!!

Hope the Preznit had his 12 hour deodorant on.....

Delusional Fucktard Fundies

(AP Photo/David Kohl)

Being a huge supporter of Freedom of Speech, Hellena finds herself having to temper her temper for this particularly foul group of fundaMENTALists. For years, Fred Phelps & his "church," Westover Baptist, has been picketing the funerals of gay men & women carrying signs with slogans like "God Hates Fags." More recently they have started picketing the funerals of servicemen and women killed in Iraq & Afghanistan because as Phelps attorney daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper says, "the soldiers were struck down by God because they were fighting for a country that harbors homosexuals and adulterers."

Several states are now rushing to enact legislation to ban protests at funerals so loved ones may bury their dead in peace.

In response to that, Phelps-Roper states that lawmakers are "trying to introduce something that will make them feel better about the holes we're punching in the facade they live under. If they pass a law that gets in our way, they will be violating the Constitution, and we will sue them for that."

Um, okay.

Hey you unholy cunt, if there IS a Heaven, Hellena is pretty fucking sure you and your congregation won't ever get close to it.

Let's hope the legislation gets passed, and that other states follow suit before some bereaved friend or relative takes matters into their own hands.

Natural Selection at Work...

SHERIDAN, Colorado (AP) -- A couple planning to set off their own Super Bowl pyrotechnics accidentally blew up their own car while transporting a balloon filled with an explosive gas.

Norman Frey, 46, and his companion suffered busted eardrums in the explosion Sunday as they drove to a party for Super Bowl XL, according to the Arapahoe County sheriff.

The balloon had been filled with acetylene, a flammable gas used in welding, and it had rolled across the back seat, possibly causing static electricity that ignited the gas.

The explosion broke windows, bent doors outwards and pushed up the roof about a foot.

"Looking at the car closely, it's amazing that these people weren't killed," Sheriff Grayson Robinson said.

Please, oh please, let these 2 people be too old to breed.......

An Open Letter to Bubba

And now for something completely serious: An editorial from Iraq Veterans Against the War's Southeastern representative, Charlie Anderson:

I’ve seen you around. I’ve seen you driving your gas guzzling SUV with the “Support Our Troops” ribbon on the back. I’ve seen you wearing your pro-war/pro-bush t-shirts as you walk right past me in my Iraq Veterans Against the War t-shirt as if I don’t exist. And I’ve seen you at anti-war rallies and meetings where I often speak, as you wave your American flag and call me a traitor. In this country we have freedom of speech. But you owe me and every other veteran of this war the respect of listening to our experience.

Your magnet says “support our troops,” but what have you done for us? Not a penny of the proceeds go to us, instead they go to sweatshops in . You say that I am not supporting the troops when I say that they should come home. But I am, because I know that there was no threat to our nation from Saddam Hussein, I know that had no weapons of mass destruction, and I know that we were not welcomed in as liberators. I know that the war was not worth fighting. I know, because I fought there. You say I’m confused. But what do you know about ? You’ve never been there. more....

A Little Late, but Worth Bookmarking

Hellena says, "Why reserve this fun game for just the State of the Union addresses? Keep this handy for ALL of Preznit Shrub's speeches!"

Thank you, Sir, may I have another?

"We all know how Satan hates to be disturbed..."

Whooboy, Keith Olbermann has Hellena laughing like a giddy schoolgirl this morning. Do click on the link for a response to Bill O'Reilly's allegations that MSNBC is journalistically bankrupt.

My Bush Doesn't Declare War

Alright, soldier, listen up; War is silly, whack your willy, and that's an order!!

Here's a cause Hellena can certainly get behind. And goodness knows, this is just another reason to love the internet.

From the "Stupid, Dangerous Criminal" Files....

Here we have a person who obviously did not think his alleged crime all the way through..... now in all appearances, this little angry fella has committed a crime against gay men, but let's give him at least the shadow as a doubt as to his motives since we haven't had a chance to hear his side of the story...... However, IF it was a crime committed against gays because he has an issue with homosexuality as it appears, Hellena would like to point out where this Robida fella failed to assess the consequences of his actions. When he is caught, and identified by the eye witnesses, and then is sent to trial for the alleged crime, chances are very good that he is going to end up in a jail cell for a very long time. It does not take a great stretch of the imagination to see where Hellena is going with this...... little Jacob is probably going to find himself on the receiving end of an amorous relationship while serving his sentence.... should he be convicted, of course.

That is what Hellena refers to a "poetic justice."