Hellena's Weekend Weirdness Roundup

Hellena has decided to try for a weekly roundup of miscellaneous tidbits every week. This will be installment #2:

• A list of the Top 10 Best Accidental Discoveries. Viagra, LSD, and Silly Putty all made the cut.
• Man cold cocks cops with his own severed penis. Think he misunderstood the penal code?
• Oh fer crying out loud in a bucket. Fuck Starcast Productions for selling out the soul of rock and roll by trying to contact John Lennon's spirit in a Pay-Per-View seance. Is there no decorum?
• Guess what? White, highly-refined breads makes people fat! Next thing they'll be telling us sodas are not good for us.
• Enterprising entrepreneurs find a safe way for cancer patients to use medicinal marijuana, but are arrested as drug dealers. Go figure.
• Fifteen year old school vandals get a bum rap. That'll teach 'em.
• Two founders of the Cryonics Movement are cremated after a freezer mishap. Whoops!! I hate it when that happens.
• Another reason why Tom Cruise is an irrelevant doucherocket. Watch the episode here.

Random Cool Quote of the Week

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? Kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on, you know." - Bill Hicks, comic extroidinaire

Technorati Tags: Entertainment News Politics Religion

Best.T-Shirt.Ever.

Wear this to the next pro-life rally you protest:

May the fetus you save be a Black Gay Wiccan Democrat

Heh.

"a conscientious employee ... active in church"

Well it's a good damned thing he cared so much about his job..... Hellena would hate to think what horrors he would have perpetrated if he didn't give a shit.

SAN DIEGO (AP) - Camera phones are now banned at the Children's Hospital and Health Center's convalescent unit. The curtains around patients must be left open most of the time. And administrators are considering installing security cameras in patients' rooms.

The precautions were prompted by one man: Wayne Albert Bleyle, a respiratory therapist accused of molesting brain-damaged, comatose boys and girls, taking cell-phone photos of himself in the act, and posting them on the Internet.

``This is the worst case of child molestation imaginable,'' prosecutor Laura Gunn said in court last week. ``I don't know if we've ever seen a case like it before where the victims were so vulnerable.''

Bleyle, 54, is in jail on $5 million bail after pleading not guilty to two counts of child molestation and 24 counts of child pornography. But Gunn said Bleyle molested many more patients over the past decade, preying on the hospital's weakest of the weak, including youngsters who would never be able to speak.

Gunn said that when an investigator asked how many children he had abused, Bleyle replied: ``How many snowflakes are there out there?''

Yup, another fine example of a man who is in need of having his testicles and dick removed by way of a rabid beaver that just dropped acid.

Technorati Tags: News Christians Crime

Hell Hath a Special Place Reserved....

... for anyone rat bastard enough to steal some kid's prosthetic legs. Holy crap, what sort of inbred, booger-picker breaks into a 16 year old's room, takes her legs (on Valentine's Day no less), and then graffitis all over them before returning them nearly a month later. Oh, and if that is not hard enough to believe, this was the second time some neanderthal purloined this young lady's leg.

Technorati Tags: News Rants

The Assault of the Press Begins....

A read-worthy story here, folks:

In recent weeks, the FBI has issued hundreds of "National Security Letters," directing employers, banks, credit card companies, libraries and other entities to turn over records on reporters. Under the USA Patriot Act, those who must turn over the records are also prohibited from revealing they have done so to the subject of the federal probes.

"The significance of this cannot be overstated," says prominent New York litigator Glenn Greenwald. "In essence, while the President sits in the White House undisturbed after proudly announcing that he has been breaking the law and will continue to do so, his slavish political appointees at the Justice Department are using the mammoth law enforcement powers of the federal government to find and criminally prosecute those who brought this illegal conduct to light.

"This flamboyant use of the forces of criminal prosecution to threaten whistle-blowers and intimidate journalists are nothing more than the naked tactics of street thugs and authoritarian juntas."

Kudos to Doug Thompson for his editorial on this thuggery.

Apparently this is not an isolated incident and here.

Technorati Tags: News Politics News and Politics

Getting Ready for the Weekend....

...already. Hellena will be out of town for a week from March 8-14 for a festival, so today's post will, be a roundup of goodies stumbled over this weekend. Enjoy!

• Bush visit taints Ghandi's memorial site. Hindu priests say it was the dog, but Hellena thinks it may have been when Bush removed his shoes.
• Thomas "Kinky" KinKade paints a dark side while marking his territory. That's some ritual, Tommy!
• Colorado Republican House member Marilyn Musgrave illustrates why she is on the list of 13 Most Corrupt Members of Congress.
• Because there isn't anything else more important to legislate, lawmakers in Tennessee are trying to outlaw dildos. Write a letter if you can put down youur sex toy long enough.
• Urban couple expresses confusion after finding snake segment in a bag of frozen beans. Who knew green beans were grown outdoors where snakes live?
• Ice hockey crowd lines up for free "Runaway Bride" bobblehead doll. Well, puck me.
• Killing in the name of.... Kali. Unholy human sacrifice, Batman.

More later.....

Technorati Tags: Republicans News Politics Religion

Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Wire....

And who will that wire be bringing down? Cunningham, a California Republican who pleaded guilty Nov. 28 to taking $2.4 million in bribes—including a yacht, a Rolls Royce and a 19th-century Louis-Philippe commode—from a defense contractor, wore a wire at some point during the short interval between the moment he began cooperating with the feds and the announcement of his guilty plea on Nov. 28.

Oh how they sing when their ass is in a sling......

More here...

Technorati Tags: Republicans Bribery Politics

Stop the Gay Penguins from Adopting!!!!

Parents Complain About Book's Undertones

SAVANNAH, Mo. -- A children's book about two male penguins that raise a baby penguin has been moved to the nonfiction section of two public library branches after parents complained it had homosexual undertones.

The illustrated book, "And Tango Makes Three," is based on a true story of two male penguins, named Roy and Silo, who adopted an abandoned egg at New York City's Central Park Zoo in the late 1990s.

The book, written by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson, was moved from the children's section at two Rolling Hills' Consolidated Library's branches in Savannah and St. Joseph in northwest Missouri.

Two parents had expressed concerns about the book last month.

Barbara Read, the Rolling Hills' director, said experts report that adoptions aren't unusual in the penguin world.

And homophobia reaches an all-time new low. Christ on a friggin cracker, is there ANYthing gay-haters won't complain about? So what? A couple of penguins saved a baby and raised it, is that something to sqawk about? Is it better to teach the children that the penguins might be gay, or that they saved a baby??? TWO parents complained.... TWO. And the book has to be moved.

For fuck's sake already.

Technorati Tags: Homophobia News Books Education

That's Just How They Say "Hello"

Reuters/Jason Reed

See, in India, the water buffalo think they're dogs.....

"The time has come," the Walrus said....

"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

Despite Hellena's usual attempt's at sarcasm, she also has a serious side. And a side that likes to read, and give time to bloggers, and editorials from the other side of the political universe. This morning while perusing some of the anti-leftist, moonbat watch sites, Hellena stumbled across an interesting story on the current states' push to ban abortions.

On the Stop the ACLU site, one paragraph caught Hellena's eye:

It definitely looks to be a trend. In my opinion it is a trend for the better, for two reasons. One, it is a trend towards life. Two, no matter what your thoughts are on the topic of abortion, the legislators are taking the issue to the people. Abortion is a controversial topic that finds people all across the political spectrum in their opinions. The right place for this to be decided is in each State, not by unelected judges. These representatives are taking it up on themselves that they are representing their constituants. The beautiful thing about democracy is that if they are not representing the people, the people can speak up and effectively make a difference; something they can’t do with Supreme Court decisions. There is no doubt that NOW, Planned Parenthood, and the ACLU will be challenging these laws soon. I hope this trend continues, and we get this issue back into the hands of the people where it belongs.

Now there are several points in the paragraph that beg to be elaborated upon, but the nit Hellena wishes to pick is the mention of Planned Parenthood. There's no need to write Hellena explaining what eugenics is or the beginnings of Planned Parenthood and its founder because that's not the point of this post.

Anyone know who was named Treasurer of Planned Parenthood in 1942, and then served as treasurer of Margaret Sanger's first national fundraising drive in 1947? That person is none other than GW's grandfather, Prescott Bush.

Well, not that a grandson can't have a completely different view of an issue from his long dead grandfather, but it is an interesting factoid, no? Seems at one time, the Bush family might have supported the idea of eugenics.

Technorati Tags: Bush Abortion Politics

Bush is a Saint

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside Washington. Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research, the War, and such. I'll gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon, you'd say the
President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds. I will do it."

Bush pompously shows up that following Sunday, looking especially smug, sneering for his photo ops, while strutting his way, cowboy-style, into the church.

As the sermon starts, the Bishop begins his homily: "George Bush is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite as well as a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, probably still a drunk, and a low-intelligence sneaky weasel. He has lied about his military record, and then had the gall to put himself in uniform on a military jet, landing on a carrier, and then posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished."

"He invaded a country for oil and money, all the while lying to the American people about the war, with nary a care for the thousands of lives it has taken and continues to take. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known or known of."

"But compared to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a blessed saint."

Technorati Tags: Bush humor politics

When Little League Sports Turns Bad....

A Little League baseball coach in Miami, Fla., is recovering Monday after being stabbed by a fan, Local 6 News reported Sunday night.

A baseball coach in Miami, Fla., is stabbed by a fan during a game.
A witness said the boyfriend of one of the player's mother was yelling at the coach during the game because he didn't agree with a decision.

Mmm-mokay. So this is how we teach the children to play well with others. What sad commentary on anger management.

Technorati Tags: Anger Management News sports

Just a Thought......

Since so many others are posting the details over the port deal on other blogs, Hellena just has this to say:
After five very long years of elevated security levels, fear-mongering, and a war with an Arab country, is it any wonder that so many Americans are voicing concerns about the UAE deal to purchase the rights to operate 21 major ports in the United States? See, Aesop has this little story called The Boy Who Cried Wolf - if there is nothing to fear in making a deal with the UAE, have all the cries of "terrorist" been a lie all along? If so, then here's where the moral of the story comes in - "no one believes liars, even when they're telling the truth."

Technorati Tags: Bush UAE politics

"Pot?, Hey, this is the Kettle..."

This past weekend, US Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton declared that the world body is hobbled "by bad management, by sex and corruption" and a lack of confidence in its ability to carry out missions.

Ummmmm. hey Johnny-Boy, some of us have not forgotten about Hustler publisher Larry Flynt publishing allegations that you forced your first wife, Christina Bolton, to engage in group sex at Plato's Retreat, a New York sex club popular in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Not that Hellena has a problem with group consensual sex, but that it seems a wee bit hypocritical for you to be pointing out the kinks in other folks sex lives.

Whatsamatta, JB? Were you not invited to the United Nations last orgy? They won't let you play in any reindeer games? Maybe it is your bad temper or your previous declarations that "there is no United Nations," just an international community that occasionally "can be led by the only real power left in the world -- and that's the United States."

Dress Like a Douchebag Day Unsuccessful in FL

(Photo JULIE FLETCHER/ORLANDO SENTINEL)

Residents of Orlando sent members of the neo-Nazi National Socialist Movement packing more than 90 minutes earlier than the white Hitler-wannabees intended. Counterprotestors overwhelmingly outnumbered the hate group, drowning out their rally at the end of the march outside the federal courthouse.

More than 500 counterprotestors showed up to protest the approximately 30 NSM marchers, while more than 300 officers from several agencies, including the Orange and Osceola sheriffs' offices were employed at a cost of "tens of thousands" to prohibit violence. Although 17 people were arrested, there were no officers hurt during the short event.

One white supremecy web site member commented in regards to the fights and arrests, "...They said two were NS supporters and were arrested for fighting. I think the Communists brought the fight on though. Of course, none of the media revealed that many of the protesters were communists and gays."

Yeah.

Hey you misguided homophobic racist miscreants, are ya too whacked to realize that when you have 500 protestors show up to drown out yer 30 goose stepping comrades in stupidity that maybe, just maybe the human race has just evolved beyond your particular brand of hate?

G'nite Barn........

Thanks for the laughs, man. We'll miss ya down here.

Bollocks to the Hall of Fame

Now THAT'S punk! Hellena applauds the Sex Pistols for keepin' true to their punk roots. Way to go, blokes!

Apparently Due to a Shortage of Real Terrorists....

...rock musicians have now become a target for security concerns. On January 30, Henry Rollins was approached by an Aussie anti-terrorism worker who informed him that his choice of reading material had prompted an anonymous report to the agency. Henry's account is priceless.

“I was reading a book called Jihad by Ahmed Rashid which is a history of Central Asia. I didn't speak to the man next to me past how do you do. I think Ahmed Rashid is published by Yale University Press. Bush's alma mater. Please tell your government and everyone in your office to go fuck themselves. Tell them twice. If your boss is looking for something to do, you can tell him I suggest he go fuck himself. Baghdad's safer than my hometown and your PM is a sissy. You have a nice night.”

And in this week's news, singer Morrissey was questioned to see if he was a threat to U.S. or British national security. Who's next? Maybe Marilyn Manson for his, ooooooh, dark portrayal of Lewis Carroll's Phantasmagoria? Hey Brian, you might want to make sure you don't use the word "bomb" any where in the production, ya hear?

Why Ann Coulter is a Parody of Herself

Unable to respond civilly to protests at her recent Indiana University speaking engagement, Ann Coulter managed to cross over from humor to bad taste when she addressed one young man as "gay boy." This was immediately defended by the IU College Republican President who stated what the rest of us have known for a long time; Coulter is to be viewed as entertainment material only. The exchange:

During her question-and-answer session, Coulter responded to both fans and protesters. One comment that drew strong audience reactions came from a young man who asked her if she didn't like Democrats, wouldn't it just be better to have a dictatorship? Coulter responded with a jab at the way the student talked.

"You don't want the Republicans in power, does that mean you want a dictatorship, gay boy?" she said.

IU College Republicans President Shane Kennedy defended Coulter's comments by stressing that the speech was for entertainment and attendees should have expected Coulter to say controversial comments.

"I think the guy could have been more respectful to her," he said. "I mean, we already know that she was going to be controversial and she was just saying what people were thinking. If you are going to talk like you are gay, then Ann Coulter is going to call you gay. Of course, she said it in a spiteful tone, but it was expected.",

Ah, that makes Hellena feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Also during the "speech" Coulter raised some controversy when she sputtered the phrase, "brown boys." Since the Rude Pundit already has a delightful dissertation on Coulter's inability to not be a racist cunt.

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

From the "You just can't make this shit up" file -

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Hellena will let the reading audience come up with their own punch line for this one.