Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Sunday Morning Funny

From the All Hat No Cattle web site:

George Bush was spending some time at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. One afternoon, he was riding in the back of his official limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man..

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my ranch," instructed the president.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!" replied the president. He turned to the other man and said "You come with us, too".

"But, sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well," answered Bush as he headed for his limo. They all climbed in, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Bush replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place... the grass is almost a foot tall!"

Dictator-tot strikes again

Upon examining the Bushlet's latest blunder in the ass raping the Constitution I found myself realizing that we really do live in a facisit state, no really. Not that I didn't already know it, but to hear Jr. Give his 8 minute weekly spew of bullshit and get angry for getting caught, then basically saying" Yea, I did it and I'll keep doing it. What the Fuck are you going to do about it?" I stopped to ponder (small tinkling bell sounds as Beelzebubba's mind wanders off to dream land)...

I know what I want for Christmas, a time machine. Ooooh yes, one of those shiny little contraptions that can make all things time travel possible. A two seater.

I would like strap old W in the spare seat and take him for a little trip back to the Constitutional Congress and drag him up before Jefferson, Washington, Adams and Madison then tell them about W's passion for fucking the Constitution and the American people. About how these founding fathers were very religious people and America is a Christian country.

I can imagine Jefferson literally coming unhinged and dragging Bushlet's ass out in the front courtyard and summarily stringing him up on the nearest tree for crimes against the new Country.

Nice dream eh? But then, I awake to see I'm still stuck in 2005 and the little dictatortot is still in power...awwww shit. I shudder.

(sudden crashing noise as Beelzebubba falls out of bed)

But really folks, what do you think would happen if Georgie had to explain his actions before the original writers of the Constitution? I can only imagine it would be a great piece of comedy as they laughed him right out of the building...for being a traitor. No shit.

We as a people are so self centered, self absorbed and worried about Paris Hilton's last escapade that we can't fathom an actual revolution for our rights, peacefulo or otherwise. The Government knows this and feeds it. Most Americans don't even have a grasp of basic American history. Just ask anyone what the Monroe Doctrine was about and look at the blank stare you would get. Sad...Just sad.

More sad, what would those founders think of an American people that voted the idiot into office? They spent years shedding their own blood to allow us to have a free society only to have their legacy used by our leaders like a cheap whore in backalley to pleasure and enrich themselves while treating the rest of us like that whore's bastard children.

Now Beelzebubba's gotta run out and see if he can scrape up some time machine plans. Time's a wastin'...

Your Research Paper Is About What???

Hellena had to laugh at the irony within this next story: A senior at UMass was visited by federal agents two months ago, after he requested a copy of Mao Tse-Tung's tome on Communism called "The Little Red Book" to be used while writing a research paper on fascism & totalitarianism.

The story reports that the student was told the book is on a "watch list" of tomes considered dangerous by our ferderal government, and that his background, which included significant time abroad, triggered them to investigate the student further.

Hoo-boy, Hellena feels safer.... and she's not saying where she buried her copy of Mein Kampf..