Friday, July 28, 2006

Bet You Missed Me.....


Well, Hellena had to take a Sabbatical from the news for a while due to work and a growing sense of cynicism, but it's time for a comeback. There is just too much ripe stupidity in this world for Hellena to keep her mouth shut any longer. Here is the story that prompted the resurrection of the blog:

Lactivists: Where is it OK to breastfeed?
Babytalk magazine generates controversy with nursing cover

NEW YORK (AP) -- "I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

These readers weren't complaining about a sexually explicit cover, but rather one of a baby nursing, on a wholesome parenting magazine -- yet another sign that Americans are squeamish over the sight of a nursing breast, even as breast-feeding itself gains more support from the government and medical community.

And the quote that broke the Handbasket:
"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast -- it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

It's a breast, people. We ALL have them, and nursing a baby is not the same as doing a strip-tease.

When o' when will the human race evolve beyond their sophmoric fear of body parts?

Friday, April 14, 2006

Can Some Please Explain This Phenomena?

Hellena has lost count, but here is the latest in the long line of silly teaching twats who could not control their base carnal desires, to play Hide The Salami with one or more of her underage students. WTF? What IS it that these ill-bred horny pedophile bitches-in-heat see in getting their hole filled by a 13-16 year old BOY? Are they unable to cut it with men their own age? Are they off their anti-depressants? For the life of Hellena, she just does not get it. Key-rist, buy a fucking vibrator already.
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Way to Go, Ladies

Hellena has always been an Indigo Girls fan, and had a measure of respect for Pink, but we never saw this coming:

"Dear Mr. President"
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pay the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

From the album I'm not Dead - Click here to download the song.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Flashback: Major General Smedley Butler

A timely reminder of where we have been, and a wicked reminder that "those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat the same."
WAR is a racket. It always has been.

It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.

A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of the people. Only a small "inside" group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many. Out of war a few people make huge fortunes.

In the World War [I] a mere handful garnered the profits of the conflict. At least 21,000 new millionaires and billionaires were made in the United States during the World War. That many admitted their huge blood gains in their income tax returns. How many other war millionaires falsified their tax returns no one knows.

How many of these war millionaires shouldered a rifle? How many of them dug a trench? How many of them knew what it meant to go hungry in a rat-infested dug-out? How many of them spent sleepless, frightened nights, ducking shells and shrapnel and machine gun bullets? How many of them parried a bayonet thrust of an enemy? How many of them were wounded or killed in battle?

After you read this, do a little research on one Prescott Bush, and one George Herbert Walker to see who was profiting from wars way back when. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh? Follow the money, people, follow the money.......

A 9/11 Film Worth Watching


Mark Morford of the San Francisco Gate wrote a contemplative editorial about the still unanswered questions from 9/11. There's any number of plausible to ridiculous theories about the events of that day, but outside of the questions raised in the editorial, Mark led Hellena to the most lucid and sobering 9/11 film she's seen since the tragedy. The 3 Hunter Thompson quoting young men who put this film and the follow-up film, Loose Change 2nd Edition, have done as fine a job as any seasoned investigative reporter could have mustered documenting the details. If you have an hour and a half of time, watch it. Hell, make the time and watch it. It's that worth it.
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Hope Everyone Grasps This Concept....

.... when & if the American flags start getting burned.
“Flags are symbols of government, not of people," shouted Roy Warden, as a member of his group, Border Guardians, set foot to the Mexican Flag.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Operation Predator Nets a 3rd Perv at DHS

Apparently Brian J. Doyle wasn't/isn't the only DHS official with a hard on for little girls. Frank Figuero faces trial this week on charges of exposing himself to a teenage girl last year at a mall. In January of this year Michael Burks, police officer, and DHS agent was popped for child sex trolling.

What the hell is wrong with these men? How many more perverts are lurking under the cloak of a "respectible" job?

Hellena is speechless, but recommends The Rude Pundit's take on why the Republican's hate the children.

Well This is All We Need Now.....

Can anyone believe this smug, arrogant cowboy is in control of our Nation, much less in control of our nuclear war capabilities?
President George W Bush is said to be so alarmed by the threat of Iran's hard-line leader, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, that privately he refers to him as "the new Hitler", says Seymour Hersh, who broke the story of the Abu Ghraib Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal.
Great. Two egomaniacs in a pissing contest with each other using nuclear weapons. Let's hope Hersh missed the mark with this story.

Hellena's Been Busy.......

... you know, fighting social injustice, leaping tall buildings and all that.

Well, OK, Hellena has just been working her real job and finding little time to blog this past week. Don't despair, though, Hellena has been keeping a list of goodies to serve in the almost-weekly roundup:

Chevy Tahoe ads you won't be seeing on TV. Found this at Dr. Atomic
• Are you ready for some tongue kissin'? Well, what do you expect from a drunk and unruly country Outlaw?
• For the second time, allegations of Halliburton serving contaminated water to our troops.
• The raping & pillaging of Medicare.
• Ann Coulter sticks her man-sized foot in her mouth again. Then reportedly drank the coffee served by the people she had just insulted.
• Homeland Security Officer, Brian J. Doyle, arrested after trying to seduce what he thought was a 14 year old girl. Yup, the morals and ethics of our leadership is just par none, huh?
• Cynthia McKinney punches an officer, screams racism, then apologizes after being threatened with an arrest warrant. Hey Cynthia, YOU WEREN'T WEARING YOUR CONGRESSIONAL LAPEL PIN. Someone tell this woman to shut up.
• And John McCain can kiss our butts, too. Hugging Falwell makes us react like that.

Random Cool Quote of the Week
"Christianity has a built-in defense system: Anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism, and the only way to get by it – and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist – is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field and just go, 'Show me." - Bill Hicks, comic extroidinaire

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

They Can't Read When They Graduate.....

... but, hey, as long as they git sum uf that ol' time relijun, Georgia is happy.
ATLANTA (Reuters) - Georgia lawmakers have approved a measure to fund elective Bible courses in public schools, raising concern among civil liberties groups the classes could violate the U.S. constitutional separation of church and state.
Isn't this what Sunday School is for? It's been a while since Hellena was darkening the doorstep of any high school, but she does remember this: there were precious few enough hours to squeeze in the necessary courses. And with Georgia consistantly falling at the bottom of the charts in education in a state to state comparison, seems they can hardly afford the distraction of another elective course.

If this is to be enacted as just a historical teaching of Biblical history & archeology, and not as an indoctrination for students as the legislators say, then Hellena proposes that ALL religions be included in a comprehensive course that covers the world's belief systems.

And the Conservative Push Begins...

...against adoption by gay parents. At the forefront of the debate emerges one Debra Maggart, Republican Rep in Sumner County, TN. According to Maggart, most gays and lesbians are unfit to parent because they have "emotional dysfunctions and psychological issues." Yeah, Hellena doesn't know any heterosexual women or men who are dysfunctional. There's no soccer moms doped up on mood inhibitors in this God-fearing country.

Is anyone else thinking of SNL's Church Lady here?

Turns out Ms. Maggart is divorced, which makes her oh-so-stable and qualified to be a single parent, yet she believes children need "the optimum family unit, and that is a mother and a father." Apparently, Maggart hasn't checked the divorce rate of heterosexual couples lately.

An excellent write-up from Guerilla Women TN here.

Isn't that special?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Ex-Preacher Molests His Own Grandson

If ever there was a human who needed to be locked in a cell with a 600lb. gorilla that had been fed nothing but viagra and pcp, Larry Nuell Neathery is that man.
Neathery, 56, is on trial on charges involving five boys, including three of his grandsons. The verdict may hinge on whether jurors believe his young accusers or his attorneys' contentions that the boys have falsely accused the former pastor of Westside Victory Baptist Church.

Neathery's grandson acknowledged that he didn't want to talk about the sex acts that the man he called "Pops" forced him to participate in "too many times" to count, starting when he was 5 or 6.
And if that's not enough to make you want to hurl your morning biscuits, there's more -
As he got older, the teen testified, Neathery asked him to remove his pants so they could engage in sex acts. Sometimes, he said, he awoke to find his grandfather having sex with him.
Apparently the abuse continued as the piece of shit grandfather threatened the child with beatings if he talked. To the point of making the child a vegetable.
When he was 7, the teen said, his grandfather took him to another man's house, where the men videotaped a prostitute having sex with the boy. He said his grandfather also had sex with the other man and with the prostitute and looked at pornography on a computer.

The incidents at the other man's house occurred 10 or 15 times over two years, he said, sometimes including his younger brother, who was forced to participate in sex acts with him. The teen said he tried unsuccessfully to stop his grandfather from abusing his younger brother.
The terribly sad part of all this is that the children involved will never be able to put the abuse completely out of their minds even if Neathery gets what is coming to him. Guess Neathery didn't take the teachings of the church very seriously, did he?

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Hellena's Weekend Weirdness Roundup

Hellena has decided to try for a weekly roundup of miscellaneous tidbits every week. This will be installment #2:

• A list of the Top 10 Best Accidental Discoveries. Viagra, LSD, and Silly Putty all made the cut.
• Man cold cocks cops with his own severed penis. Think he misunderstood the penal code?
• Oh fer crying out loud in a bucket. Fuck Starcast Productions for selling out the soul of rock and roll by trying to contact John Lennon's spirit in a Pay-Per-View seance. Is there no decorum?
• Guess what? White, highly-refined breads makes people fat! Next thing they'll be telling us sodas are not good for us.
• Enterprising entrepreneurs find a safe way for cancer patients to use medicinal marijuana, but are arrested as drug dealers. Go figure.
• Fifteen year old school vandals get a bum rap. That'll teach 'em.
• Two founders of the Cryonics Movement are cremated after a freezer mishap. Whoops!! I hate it when that happens.
• Another reason why Tom Cruise is an irrelevant doucherocket. Watch the episode here.

Random Cool Quote of the Week
"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? Kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on, you know." - Bill Hicks, comic extroidinaire

Best.T-Shirt.Ever.

Wear this to the next pro-life rally you protest:
May the fetus you save be a Black Gay Wiccan Democrat

Heh.

"a conscientious employee ... active in church"

Well it's a good damned thing he cared so much about his job..... Hellena would hate to think what horrors he would have perpetrated if he didn't give a shit.
SAN DIEGO (AP) - Camera phones are now banned at the Children's Hospital and Health Center's convalescent unit. The curtains around patients must be left open most of the time. And administrators are considering installing security cameras in patients' rooms.

The precautions were prompted by one man: Wayne Albert Bleyle, a respiratory therapist accused of molesting brain-damaged, comatose boys and girls, taking cell-phone photos of himself in the act, and posting them on the Internet.

``This is the worst case of child molestation imaginable,'' prosecutor Laura Gunn said in court last week. ``I don't know if we've ever seen a case like it before where the victims were so vulnerable.''

Bleyle, 54, is in jail on $5 million bail after pleading not guilty to two counts of child molestation and 24 counts of child pornography. But Gunn said Bleyle molested many more patients over the past decade, preying on the hospital's weakest of the weak, including youngsters who would never be able to speak.

Gunn said that when an investigator asked how many children he had abused, Bleyle replied: ``How many snowflakes are there out there?''
Yup, another fine example of a man who is in need of having his testicles and dick removed by way of a rabid beaver that just dropped acid.
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Monday, March 06, 2006

Hell Hath a Special Place Reserved....

... for anyone rat bastard enough to steal some kid's prosthetic legs. Holy crap, what sort of inbred, booger-picker breaks into a 16 year old's room, takes her legs (on Valentine's Day no less), and then graffitis all over them before returning them nearly a month later. Oh, and if that is not hard enough to believe, this was the second time some neanderthal purloined this young lady's leg.

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The Assault of the Press Begins....

A read-worthy story here, folks:
In recent weeks, the FBI has issued hundreds of "National Security Letters," directing employers, banks, credit card companies, libraries and other entities to turn over records on reporters. Under the USA Patriot Act, those who must turn over the records are also prohibited from revealing they have done so to the subject of the federal probes.

"The significance of this cannot be overstated," says prominent New York litigator Glenn Greenwald. "In essence, while the President sits in the White House undisturbed after proudly announcing that he has been breaking the law and will continue to do so, his slavish political appointees at the Justice Department are using the mammoth law enforcement powers of the federal government to find and criminally prosecute those who brought this illegal conduct to light.

"This flamboyant use of the forces of criminal prosecution to threaten whistle-blowers and intimidate journalists are nothing more than the naked tactics of street thugs and authoritarian juntas."
Kudos to Doug Thompson for his editorial on this thuggery.

Apparently this is not an isolated incident and here.

Getting Ready for the Weekend....

...already. Hellena will be out of town for a week from March 8-14 for a festival, so today's post will, be a roundup of goodies stumbled over this weekend. Enjoy!

• Bush visit taints Ghandi's memorial site. Hindu priests say it was the dog, but Hellena thinks it may have been when Bush removed his shoes.
• Thomas "Kinky" KinKade paints a dark side while marking his territory. That's some ritual, Tommy!
• Colorado Republican House member Marilyn Musgrave illustrates why she is on the list of 13 Most Corrupt Members of Congress.
• Because there isn't anything else more important to legislate, lawmakers in Tennessee are trying to outlaw dildos. Write a letter if you can put down youur sex toy long enough.
• Urban couple expresses confusion after finding snake segment in a bag of frozen beans. Who knew green beans were grown outdoors where snakes live?
• Ice hockey crowd lines up for free "Runaway Bride" bobblehead doll. Well, puck me.
• Killing in the name of.... Kali. Unholy human sacrifice, Batman.

More later.....

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Wire....

And who will that wire be bringing down? Cunningham, a California Republican who pleaded guilty Nov. 28 to taking $2.4 million in bribes—including a yacht, a Rolls Royce and a 19th-century Louis-Philippe commode—from a defense contractor, wore a wire at some point during the short interval between the moment he began cooperating with the feds and the announcement of his guilty plea on Nov. 28.

Oh how they sing when their ass is in a sling......

More here...
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Stop the Gay Penguins from Adopting!!!!

Parents Complain About Book's Undertones
SAVANNAH, Mo. -- A children's book about two male penguins that raise a baby penguin has been moved to the nonfiction section of two public library branches after parents complained it had homosexual undertones.

The illustrated book, "And Tango Makes Three," is based on a true story of two male penguins, named Roy and Silo, who adopted an abandoned egg at New York City's Central Park Zoo in the late 1990s.

The book, written by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson, was moved from the children's section at two Rolling Hills' Consolidated Library's branches in Savannah and St. Joseph in northwest Missouri.

Two parents had expressed concerns about the book last month.

Barbara Read, the Rolling Hills' director, said experts report that adoptions aren't unusual in the penguin world.
And homophobia reaches an all-time new low. Christ on a friggin cracker, is there ANYthing gay-haters won't complain about? So what? A couple of penguins saved a baby and raised it, is that something to sqawk about? Is it better to teach the children that the penguins might be gay, or that they saved a baby??? TWO parents complained.... TWO. And the book has to be moved.

For fuck's sake already.

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Friday, March 03, 2006

That's Just How They Say "Hello"


Reuters/Jason Reed

See, in India, the water buffalo think they're dogs.....

"The time has come," the Walrus said....

"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

Despite Hellena's usual attempt's at sarcasm, she also has a serious side. And a side that likes to read, and give time to bloggers, and editorials from the other side of the political universe. This morning while perusing some of the anti-leftist, moonbat watch sites, Hellena stumbled across an interesting story on the current states' push to ban abortions.

On the Stop the ACLU site, one paragraph caught Hellena's eye:
It definitely looks to be a trend. In my opinion it is a trend for the better, for two reasons. One, it is a trend towards life. Two, no matter what your thoughts are on the topic of abortion, the legislators are taking the issue to the people. Abortion is a controversial topic that finds people all across the political spectrum in their opinions. The right place for this to be decided is in each State, not by unelected judges. These representatives are taking it up on themselves that they are representing their constituants. The beautiful thing about democracy is that if they are not representing the people, the people can speak up and effectively make a difference; something they can’t do with Supreme Court decisions. There is no doubt that NOW, Planned Parenthood, and the ACLU will be challenging these laws soon. I hope this trend continues, and we get this issue back into the hands of the people where it belongs.
Now there are several points in the paragraph that beg to be elaborated upon, but the nit Hellena wishes to pick is the mention of Planned Parenthood. There's no need to write Hellena explaining what eugenics is or the beginnings of Planned Parenthood and its founder because that's not the point of this post.

Anyone know who was named Treasurer of Planned Parenthood in 1942, and then served as treasurer of Margaret Sanger's first national fundraising drive in 1947? That person is none other than GW's grandfather, Prescott Bush.

Well, not that a grandson can't have a completely different view of an issue from his long dead grandfather, but it is an interesting factoid, no? Seems at one time, the Bush family might have supported the idea of eugenics.
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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Bush is a Saint

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside Washington. Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research, the War, and such. I'll gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon, you'd say the
President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds. I will do it."

Bush pompously shows up that following Sunday, looking especially smug, sneering for his photo ops, while strutting his way, cowboy-style, into the church.

As the sermon starts, the Bishop begins his homily: "George Bush is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite as well as a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, probably still a drunk, and a low-intelligence sneaky weasel. He has lied about his military record, and then had the gall to put himself in uniform on a military jet, landing on a carrier, and then posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished."

"He invaded a country for oil and money, all the while lying to the American people about the war, with nary a care for the thousands of lives it has taken and continues to take. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known or known of."

"But compared to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a blessed saint."

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

When Little League Sports Turns Bad....

A Little League baseball coach in Miami, Fla., is recovering Monday after being stabbed by a fan, Local 6 News reported Sunday night.

A baseball coach in Miami, Fla., is stabbed by a fan during a game.
A witness said the boyfriend of one of the player's mother was yelling at the coach during the game because he didn't agree with a decision.
Mmm-mokay. So this is how we teach the children to play well with others. What sad commentary on anger management.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Just a Thought......

Since so many others are posting the details over the port deal on other blogs, Hellena just has this to say:
After five very long years of elevated security levels, fear-mongering, and a war with an Arab country, is it any wonder that so many Americans are voicing concerns about the UAE deal to purchase the rights to operate 21 major ports in the United States? See, Aesop has this little story called The Boy Who Cried Wolf - if there is nothing to fear in making a deal with the UAE, have all the cries of "terrorist" been a lie all along? If so, then here's where the moral of the story comes in - "no one believes liars, even when they're telling the truth."

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"Pot?, Hey, this is the Kettle..."


This past weekend, US Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton declared that the world body is hobbled "by bad management, by sex and corruption" and a lack of confidence in its ability to carry out missions.

Ummmmm. hey Johnny-Boy, some of us have not forgotten about Hustler publisher Larry Flynt publishing allegations that you forced your first wife, Christina Bolton, to engage in group sex at Plato's Retreat, a New York sex club popular in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Not that Hellena has a problem with group consensual sex, but that it seems a wee bit hypocritical for you to be pointing out the kinks in other folks sex lives.

Whatsamatta, JB? Were you not invited to the United Nations last orgy? They won't let you play in any reindeer games? Maybe it is your bad temper or your previous declarations that "there is no United Nations," just an international community that occasionally "can be led by the only real power left in the world -- and that's the United States."

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Dress Like a Douchebag Day Unsuccessful in FL

(Photo JULIE FLETCHER/ORLANDO SENTINEL)

Residents of Orlando sent members of the neo-Nazi National Socialist Movement packing more than 90 minutes earlier than the white Hitler-wannabees intended. Counterprotestors overwhelmingly outnumbered the hate group, drowning out their rally at the end of the march outside the federal courthouse.

More than 500 counterprotestors showed up to protest the approximately 30 NSM marchers, while more than 300 officers from several agencies, including the Orange and Osceola sheriffs' offices were employed at a cost of "tens of thousands" to prohibit violence. Although 17 people were arrested, there were no officers hurt during the short event.

One white supremecy web site member commented in regards to the fights and arrests, "...They said two were NS supporters and were arrested for fighting. I think the Communists brought the fight on though. Of course, none of the media revealed that many of the protesters were communists and gays."

Yeah.

Hey you misguided homophobic racist miscreants, are ya too whacked to realize that when you have 500 protestors show up to drown out yer 30 goose stepping comrades in stupidity that maybe, just maybe the human race has just evolved beyond your particular brand of hate?

Saturday, February 25, 2006

G'nite Barn........

Thanks for the laughs, man. We'll miss ya down here.

Bollocks to the Hall of Fame

Now THAT'S punk! Hellena applauds the Sex Pistols for keepin' true to their punk roots. Way to go, blokes!

Apparently Due to a Shortage of Real Terrorists....

...rock musicians have now become a target for security concerns. On January 30, Henry Rollins was approached by an Aussie anti-terrorism worker who informed him that his choice of reading material had prompted an anonymous report to the agency. Henry's account is priceless.
“I was reading a book called Jihad by Ahmed Rashid which is a history of Central Asia. I didn't speak to the man next to me past how do you do. I think Ahmed Rashid is published by Yale University Press. Bush's alma mater. Please tell your government and everyone in your office to go fuck themselves. Tell them twice. If your boss is looking for something to do, you can tell him I suggest he go fuck himself. Baghdad's safer than my hometown and your PM is a sissy. You have a nice night.”
And in this week's news, singer Morrissey was questioned to see if he was a threat to U.S. or British national security. Who's next? Maybe Marilyn Manson for his, ooooooh, dark portrayal of Lewis Carroll's Phantasmagoria? Hey Brian, you might want to make sure you don't use the word "bomb" any where in the production, ya hear?

Why Ann Coulter is a Parody of Herself

Unable to respond civilly to protests at her recent Indiana University speaking engagement, Ann Coulter managed to cross over from humor to bad taste when she addressed one young man as "gay boy." This was immediately defended by the IU College Republican President who stated what the rest of us have known for a long time; Coulter is to be viewed as entertainment material only. The exchange:
During her question-and-answer session, Coulter responded to both fans and protesters. One comment that drew strong audience reactions came from a young man who asked her if she didn't like Democrats, wouldn't it just be better to have a dictatorship? Coulter responded with a jab at the way the student talked.

"You don't want the Republicans in power, does that mean you want a dictatorship, gay boy?" she said.

IU College Republicans President Shane Kennedy defended Coulter's comments by stressing that the speech was for entertainment and attendees should have expected Coulter to say controversial comments.

"I think the guy could have been more respectful to her," he said. "I mean, we already know that she was going to be controversial and she was just saying what people were thinking. If you are going to talk like you are gay, then Ann Coulter is going to call you gay. Of course, she said it in a spiteful tone, but it was expected.",
Ah, that makes Hellena feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Also during the "speech" Coulter raised some controversy when she sputtered the phrase, "brown boys." Since the Rude Pundit already has a delightful dissertation on Coulter's inability to not be a racist cunt.

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

From the "You just can't make this shit up" file -
A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.
Hellena will let the reading audience come up with their own punch line for this one.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Sometimes Hellena Just Wants to Scream...

In a statement released this afternoon in regards to the Mosque bombing in Iraq, Preznit Chimperor had the following to say:
"The act was an evil act," Bush said. "The destruction of a holy site is a political act intending to create strife. So I am pleased with the voices of reason that have spoken out. And we will continue to work with those voices of reason to enable Iraq to continue on the path of a democracy that unites people and doesn't divide them."

He said the United States was serious in its commitment to help rebuild the Golden Mosque.

"We understand its importance to Iraqi society and we want to stand side by side with the government in making sure that beautiful dome is restored," Bush said.
Well, let's see.... America is completely divided in how we feel about the Bush administration, but we're going to teach another country that has been involved in internal social conflicts for many years how to unite? And on top of that, we're gonna fix their purty mosque while one of our largest cities, and the adjoining areas putrifies and rots from a hurricane that hit 6 months ago? Brilliant, just brilliant.....

Monday, February 13, 2006

Dick Chaney Quail Hunt Game

Watch the birdie!!

Cheney Was Hunting Illegally....

Ya just can't make this shit up...
Neither Vice President Dick Cheney nor the hunting partner he accidentally shot last weekend purchased the $7 hunting stamps required under state law, Texas Parks and Wildlife officials said Monday.
A blast from Mr. Cheney's shotgun wounded Austin lawyer Harry Whittington in the face, neck and chest. The wounds were not life-threatening. In its report, the state agency that oversees hunting and fishing said it found neither Mr. Cheney nor Mr. Whittington had purchased the game bird stamp required to hunt quail in Texas. Both had valid hunting licenses, Mr. Cheney's a non-resident license.
The story just gets better & better.............

Black, Black Like My Soul....

Or a better title might be, "This Should Be Interesting."
BERLIN (AFP) - Gothic US rocker Marilyn Manson announced at the Berlin Film Festival that he plans to direct a film based on the diary of Lewis Carroll in which he will play the part of the writer of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

Manson, his hair jet-black and his face painted a deathly white, said he wanted to show the dark obsessions of the Victorian author rather than make a period film because that would be "boring".

"It is very much about his obsessions, not so much about the Victorian era. There will be sex," he told reporters.

"Dead Eye" Dick Cheney Roundup

Picture from bushandcheneysuck.com/
And the hilarity ensues....
Best Headline goes to WTF Is It Now?: Dick shoots load in man's face
Brad Blog reports Whittington actually in ICU
Bob Cesca on The Huffington Post
The Dependable Renegadewith another Elmer Fudd picture
Atrios reports it was a "canned hunt." Hey, didn't Dick make fun of Kerry for that?
Fire Dog Lake isn't laughing about the "ladies gun"
CorrenteWire is inspired to witing songs
James Wolcott
even Jesus Gerneral

DailyKos Top 10
From the home office, Dick Cheney's Top 10 Excuses for Shooting That Guy:

10. Sure, like you've never seen seen giant game birds wearing day glo orange vests
9. Warrantless domestic spying revealed he was getting phone calls from al Queda
8. If the Vice President does it, its not against the law
7. Hoping to put him in a persistent vegetative state so the GOP could pass a law to keep him alive
6. Thought he was hunting Dan Quayle
5. The love between them could not survive back in Washington
4. Birds, Cows, People-- with my eyesight I'm lucky I hit anything
3. Positive the guy's family will welcome him as a liberator
2. Pheasants? I thought we were hunting peasants
and the number one Cheney excuse for shooting that guy:
1. Open season on liberals started early this year

Another Top 10 from eBobGeiger.com: :
10. Sick and tired of Whittington’s “Hey, I’m having a heart attack” jokes
9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo
8. Ongoing dispute over whether it’s acceptable to torture quail before shooting them
7. Thought he saw Michael Moore on other side of tree line
6. Bombed out of his gourd on Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer
5. Companion’s ill-advised decision to wear Moveon.org sweatshirt
4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster
3. Whittington’s repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the “real president”
2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

1. Because he’s a wartime vice president, damn it

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Secret Prisons? We Don't Have No Secret Prisons

Well, not any more..... According to this report, the U.S. is helping Morocco to build a new interrogation and detention facility for Al-Qaeda suspects near its capital, Rabat.

A-Hunting We Will Go, A-Hunting We Will Go

"Shhhhhhhh.... be vewy, vewy, quiet......." While quail hunting yesterday in south Texas, Dick "Elmer" Cheney accidentally shot fellow hunter, attorney Harry Whittington, in an apparent accident when he believed the quail to be under attack from Al Queada. Commenting on the shooting, Sarah Brady replied to reporters, "I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time,now I know I was right to be nervous."

We're all nervous, Sarah, we're ALL nervous.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Misstatement of the Union

As amazing as this must sound, the President left out a few things when surveying the State of the Union:
• He proudly spoke of "writing a new chapter in the story of self-government" in Iraq and Afghanistan and said the number of democracies in the world is growing. He failed to mention that neither Iraq nor Afghanistan yet qualify as democracies according to the very group whose statistics he cited.
• Bush called for Congress to pass a line-item veto, failing to mention that the Supreme Court struck down a line-item veto as unconstitutional in 1998. Bills now in Congress would propose a Constitutional amendment, but none have shown signs of life.
• The President said the economy gained 4.6 million jobs in the past two-and-a-half years, failing to note that it had lost 2.6 million jobs in his first two-and-a-half years in office. The net gain since Bush took office is just a little more than 2 million.
• He talked of cutting spending, but only "non-security discretionary spending." Actually, total federal spending has increased 42 percent since Bush took office.
• He spoke of being "on track" to cut the federal deficit in half by 2009. But the deficit is increasing this year, and according to the Congressional Budget Office it will decline by considerably less than half even if Bush's tax cuts are allowed to lapse.
• Bush spoke of a "goal" of cutting dependence on Middle Eastern oil, failing to mention that US dependence on imported oil and petroleum products increased substantially during his first five years in office, reaching 60 per cent of consumption last year.
Though Factcheck.org did not find anything factually incorrect in the President's Jan. 31 State of the Union address to Congress and the nation, they did not some "selective use of statistics," and that "Bush omitted some relevant facts that tended to make the state of the union look less rosy than he presented."

Read the entire report here.

Friday, February 10, 2006

American Civics Lesson Part II

What do you get when you a song titled "Asshole" and string together an array of pictures depicting America as it is today? Genius, pure genius. when you're done watching the film, try typing "miserable failure" into Google.com and hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

From the "Stupid Airline Passenger" Files....

So, imagine you're working the X-ray machine at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, when you see what appears to be a skull in someone's luggage. Thden you realize the incoming flight is from Haiti.
Myrlene Severe, 30, a Haitian-born permanent U.S. resident, was charged Friday with smuggling a human head into the U.S. without proper documentation.
OK, not to mince semantics here, but is there proper documentaion for smuggling a human head?
"It still had teeth, hair and bits of skin and lots of dirt," Gonzalez said.

Severe told authorities she had obtained the package in Haiti for "use as a part of her voodoo beliefs," ICE Special Agent Erick Hernandez wrote in an affidavit in support of a criminal complaint.

"Severe also stated that the purpose of the package was to ward off evil spirits," Hernandez wrote.

Severe, who also was charged with failing to declare the head and transporting hazardous material in air commerce, faces a maximum of 15 years in prison if convicted of all charges, prosecutors said.
So, remember, kids, if you're bringing a recently exhumed human head into the country, fill out your documentation and Customs Declaration forms. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a world of voodoo doodoo.

What a Shock: Iraq Worse Off Now

From The New York Times yesterday as reported by James Glanz:

Iraq Utilities Are Falling Short of Prewar Performance
WASHINGTON, Feb. 8 — Virtually every measure of the performance of Iraq's oil, electricity, water and sewerage sectors has fallen below preinvasion values even though $16 billion of American taxpayer money has already been disbursed in the Iraq reconstruction program, several government witnesses said at a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on Wednesday.

Of seven measures of public services performance presented at the committee hearing by the inspector general's office, only one was above preinvasion values.

Those that had slumped below those values were electrical generation capacity, hours of power available in a day in Baghdad, oil and heating oil production and the numbers of Iraqis with drinkable water and sewage service.

Only the hours of power available to Iraqis outside Baghdad had increased over prewar values.


Also published on February 9, and written by James Glanz:

Report Says Number of Attacks by Insurgents in Iraq Increases
WASHINGTON, Feb. 8 — Sweeping statistics on insurgent violence in Iraq that were declassified for a Senate hearing on Wednesday appear to portray a rebellion whose ability to mount attacks has steadily grown in the nearly three years since the invasion.

The statistics were included in a report written by Joseph A. Christoff, director of international affairs and trade at the Government Accountability Office, who testified before the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee during a hearing on Iraq stabilization and reconstruction.


Read the full version of the first story here, and the second here.

Yup. We're doing some fine work in Iraq. Couple these accounts with Haliburton missing billions of dollars and then please explain to Hellena exactly what the fuck we are doing over there.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Rev. Lowery Responds to Criticism

Thanks to John Amato's Crooks & Liars the web world can watch the interview between Keith Olbermann and the Rev. Joseph Lowery where Rev. Lowery addresses the accusations of improper funeral etiquette from the rightwingnut faction.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Darwin Award Meritorious Live Act Award

OREM, Utah - An man who called police to report the theft of a quarter-pound of marijuana was arrested when police recovered the bag of pot and then invited him to come to the Public Safety Building to identify it.

"You!! Out of the gene pool now!!"

Oy vey. Thanks to The Tao of Cheese for posting this story - Hellena would have missed it otherwise.

Holy Totally Uncomfortable Situations, Batman!!


Hope the Preznit had his 12 hour deodorant on.....

Delusional Fucktard Fundies

(AP Photo/David Kohl)

Being a huge supporter of Freedom of Speech, Hellena finds herself having to temper her temper for this particularly foul group of fundaMENTALists. For years, Fred Phelps & his "church," Westover Baptist, has been picketing the funerals of gay men & women carrying signs with slogans like "God Hates Fags." More recently they have started picketing the funerals of servicemen and women killed in Iraq & Afghanistan because as Phelps attorney daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper says, "the soldiers were struck down by God because they were fighting for a country that harbors homosexuals and adulterers."

Several states are now rushing to enact legislation to ban protests at funerals so loved ones may bury their dead in peace.

In response to that, Phelps-Roper states that lawmakers are "trying to introduce something that will make them feel better about the holes we're punching in the facade they live under. If they pass a law that gets in our way, they will be violating the Constitution, and we will sue them for that."

Um, okay.

Hey you unholy cunt, if there IS a Heaven, Hellena is pretty fucking sure you and your congregation won't ever get close to it.

Let's hope the legislation gets passed, and that other states follow suit before some bereaved friend or relative takes matters into their own hands.

Natural Selection at Work...

SHERIDAN, Colorado (AP) -- A couple planning to set off their own Super Bowl pyrotechnics accidentally blew up their own car while transporting a balloon filled with an explosive gas.

Norman Frey, 46, and his companion suffered busted eardrums in the explosion Sunday as they drove to a party for Super Bowl XL, according to the Arapahoe County sheriff.

The balloon had been filled with acetylene, a flammable gas used in welding, and it had rolled across the back seat, possibly causing static electricity that ignited the gas.

The explosion broke windows, bent doors outwards and pushed up the roof about a foot.

"Looking at the car closely, it's amazing that these people weren't killed," Sheriff Grayson Robinson said.


Please, oh please, let these 2 people be too old to breed.......

Monday, February 06, 2006

An Open Letter to Bubba

And now for something completely serious: An editorial from Iraq Veterans Against the War's Southeastern representative, Charlie Anderson:

I’ve seen you around. I’ve seen you driving your gas guzzling SUV with the “Support Our Troops” ribbon on the back. I’ve seen you wearing your pro-war/pro-bush t-shirts as you walk right past me in my Iraq Veterans Against the War t-shirt as if I don’t exist. And I’ve seen you at anti-war rallies and meetings where I often speak, as you wave your American flag and call me a traitor. In this country we have freedom of speech. But you owe me and every other veteran of this war the respect of listening to our experience.

Your magnet says “support our troops,” but what have you done for us? Not a penny of the proceeds go to us, instead they go to sweatshops in . You say that I am not supporting the troops when I say that they should come home. But I am, because I know that there was no threat to our nation from Saddam Hussein, I know that had no weapons of mass destruction, and I know that we were not welcomed in as liberators. I know that the war was not worth fighting. I know, because I fought there. You say I’m confused. But what do you know about ? You’ve never been there. more....

A Little Late, but Worth Bookmarking

Hellena says, "Why reserve this fun game for just the State of the Union addresses? Keep this handy for ALL of Preznit Shrub's speeches!"

Thank you, Sir, may I have another?

Saturday, February 04, 2006

"We all know how Satan hates to be disturbed..."



Whooboy, Keith Olbermann has Hellena laughing like a giddy schoolgirl this morning. Do click on the link for a response to Bill O'Reilly's allegations that MSNBC is journalistically bankrupt.

My Bush Doesn't Declare War


Alright, soldier, listen up; War is silly, whack your willy, and that's an order!!

Here's a cause Hellena can certainly get behind. And goodness knows, this is just another reason to love the internet.

Friday, February 03, 2006

From the "Stupid, Dangerous Criminal" Files....

Here we have a person who obviously did not think his alleged crime all the way through..... now in all appearances, this little angry fella has committed a crime against gay men, but let's give him at least the shadow as a doubt as to his motives since we haven't had a chance to hear his side of the story...... However, IF it was a crime committed against gays because he has an issue with homosexuality as it appears, Hellena would like to point out where this Robida fella failed to assess the consequences of his actions. When he is caught, and identified by the eye witnesses, and then is sent to trial for the alleged crime, chances are very good that he is going to end up in a jail cell for a very long time. It does not take a great stretch of the imagination to see where Hellena is going with this...... little Jacob is probably going to find himself on the receiving end of an amorous relationship while serving his sentence.... should he be convicted, of course.

That is what Hellena refers to a "poetic justice."

Just Another Story that Proves....

Fundies have no freakin' sense of humor.

According to NBC's initial synopsis of the episode, Jack's fictional TV network, Out TV, is taken over by a Christian broadcaster, leading Spears' character to do a cooking segment on his show called "Cruci-fixin's."

The American Family Association immediately raised objections to the planned episode, saying it "mocks the crucifixion of Christ" and will "further denigrate Christianity" by airing the night before Good Friday.

On its Web site, the Mississippi-based advocacy group called on its supporters to urge network affiliates to refuse to run the episode and to write letters of protest to NBC.


Hellena has a suggestion for the American Family Association: Turn the channel if you are offended. Also, if you have time to write letters of protest for this, please think about writing letters for some things that REALLY stand for family values, like tell President Bush that going to war on a LIE is not family values. Write Fred Phelps and tell him that as Christians, you don't think hate speech reflects family values. And while you're at it, write Pat Robertson a letter to tell him to keep his mouth shut as every time he opens it, he spews something other than family values.

I'm sure there's more, but that's enough for now.

Whew, Hellena feels better.....

Thursday, February 02, 2006

House Passes Bill to Cut Spending for the Poor and Elderly.

Well, looks like Granny will have to start taking in wash to pay for her meds; a bill just passed through the House, that will now go to Bush to be signed into law, is trimming $39 billion to cut health care for the poor and elderly and other programs. Now don't get Hellena wrong, we support trimming the budget where necessary, but cuts to Medicaid spending would affect 13 million poor people, 20 percent of the program's participants, with many of those being children.

The spending cuts are a high priority of conservative Republicans who want to continue cutting taxes amid huge budget deficits, which could top $400 billion this year.

"Today we can begin the process of controlling out-of-control government spending," said Rep. Jeb Hensarling of Texas, a conservative Republican.


OK, so the Republicans, who also want everyone to be pro-life, anti-abortion, anti-sex ed in schools, and anti-birth control distributing now are cutting programs that benefit children? WTF?

Hey, Hellena has an idea - if the U.S. needs to cut our spending back so sharply, how about we stop spending billions of dollars a day in Iraq?? Maybe can the Billion Dollar Bunker we have planned?

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Well, so a Vacation Makes One Lazy....

So much news to cover, so little time.

Look for Hellena to come back in spades after this weekend.....